We Irish and the begging bowl.

In a recent blog I reflected on the Irish habit of brandishing the begging bowl on a regular basis; further illustrated by an ever-present compulsion to attain grants and funding for this, that, and the other - both domestically and within Europe.

Ireland, in fact, has so far extracted over €20 billion in EU structural funds up until 2006. Now, of course, the funds are drying up, and the Irish have become Euro-sceptics all of a sudden. It’s shameful.

And speaking of shameful, I remember a farmer quoted in Der Spiegel many years ago saying something like “The EU’s great, you just hold out your hand and the money falls into it!”. I wonder what he’s saying now? “No to Lisbon”, I suppose.

But what is it about we Irish and begging? I’m not being cruel: I know that all sorts of circumstances can make people genuinely homeless and down-and-out. It could happen to you or me if our lives took a sufficiently pear-shaped turn for the worse... so I’m not having a go at them. But there seems to be an inordinate number of professional beggars in Dublin. So many, in fact, that we can assume that the market is now saturated.

I kid you not, I was in Delhi for two three-week periods a couple of years back, and it’s not a patch on Dublin when it comes to people hassling and pestering you in the streets for money. And India’s a country where you gladly keep a bit of cash to give to the poor sods who have no social welfare, who suffer from appalling diseases (leprosy, for example) and who live in poverty that most Irish people would find hard to imagine.

But back to Ireland. Worst of all, in my black book, are the chuggers (charity muggers). “Helloooo!!! Have you goosh a minush for Concuurrnn?” is the chugger's rallying cry. Not directly connected with Concern, but employed as salespeople, quite a few of them are drama students, I’m told. Their patch on Henry Street is their stage – their chance to shine. I’m not sure if that’s true, but one thing is for certain: they are the most irritating bastards you will meet on a day’s walk. And believe me, theres' a lot of competition - like the guy I saw collecting for the Asthma Society with a fag on the go.

No amount of malevolent staring seems to deter a chugger, as these people are often charitably described as being “bubbly” and "confident", and are therefore lacking in any emotional intelligence whatsoever. Sometimes, looking preoccupied or staring at your feet as you walk along can evade their attentions. But the more persistent ones will pursue you down the street, gesticulating and dancing at your side like an E-ed out Michael Flately. In such extreme circumstances a simple “fuck off” can sometimes deter them, inviting a cheery “noo problem” in response, before they skip off in search of another victim. Sometimes.

Then there are the bag-packers at the supermarket. It works like this: You are busy fumbling in your pocket for your money and your Clubcard to give to the cashier. By the time you have completed your transaction your shopping has been transported to the far end of the conveyor belt, into the podgy fingers of some gormless brat in a gaudy GAA shirt who mixes it all up and then expects you to pay him/her for the privilege. I find that the best technique is to keep your bags under your arm when paying, then walk down to the very end of the conveyor with a threatening look on your face before nudging them out of the way. You can use a sly elbow if nobody is looking.

I don’t know. It’s a good few years now since I lived abroad, but I've never seen this stuff anywhere else. Does it go on elsewhere, or is it just something that we are good at?

Or am I just getting grumpier?

Back to Gombeen Nation main page