Sunday, 1 February 2009

Save the Planet - wear a condom.



It might be unpalatable in Ireland, a country that only gave the green light to contraceptives as recently as the 90s, but a British government environmental advisor has suggested that the best way to save the ice caps is by wearing a cap (a diaphragm, that is), or slipping on a condom.

It’s interesting to note that while our Green in government, John Gormley, indulges in the tokenistic nonsense of forcing us to buy expensive light bulbs – even while he presides over cuts in public transport – some in Britain seem to be taking a more meaningful tack.

Jonathon Porritt, a former chairman of Britain’s Green Party claims in today’s Sunday Times that groups such as Friends of the Earth and Greenpeace are “betraying the interests” of their members by “refusing to address population issues” as the question is seen as “too controversial”.

In fact, Porritt states that having more than two children is “irresponsible”, as overpopulation is creating an unbearable burden on the planet, and population control must “be at the heart of policies to fight global warming”.

Well, Gombeen Man is in the clear here, as the only two babies he has reside in the Gombeen Manor garage. And despite his love of motor vehicles, he cares enough about the Earth to take the train to and from work. Even more admirably, he’ll take the dreaded 39 bus when he misses that. If that’s not doing your bit to save the World, what is?

However, his heels and ankles still carry scars inflicted by the burgeoning battalions of buggies in evidence on his last foray to the Blanchardstown Centre. So despite contraceptives no longer being banned in this country, it seems that people still haven’t quite got the hang of using them yet. In fact, it would appear that the Irish are still popping them out like there’s no tomorrow – and the way they’re going, there might not be, if Mr Porritt it to be believed.

Look on the bright side, though. When the property "morket" recovers in 40 years or so, we might have the option of an attractive beachfront property on the shores of Carrantoohill.

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7 comments:

Ella said...

Hi GM, the subject of "population issues" is indeed controversial. In fact, I'm surprised you have not been deluged with comments on the matter. Many parents see it as their right to have children and are really quite shocked when it is suggested to them that by doing so that they are contributing to the destruction of the planet. Food for thought indeed.

Netgeek said...

The notion that everyone have a right to have children is a debatable proposition but Its the ones who think theyre doing the world a favour by doing so (especially when theyre actually doing so for the most selfish, irresponsible and egotistical reasons imaginable) are the ones I cant suffer.

BTW GM not sure if its my computer or your blog software but sometimes I cant post under my handle (I get a "Your request could not be processed. Please try again" message) and have to post as "Anonymous". Other times its the other way around. Just a minor irritant really but maybe other people have noticed it ?

The Gombeen Man said...

Yep, Netgeek... agreed. I think it's the rest of us doing those sorts a favour, more like.

Thanks for the tip about the comment posting. I think it's something to do with Blogger. I quite often get it when I'm replying to a comment, such as now. Then if I post it again (and even when I keep my "The Gombeen Man" profile in the "comment as" box, it works the second time).

Bloody annoying!

Anonymous said...

Dear Gombeen man,

I know who keeps "babes" in the garage so you've been outed.

Sister-in-law

The Gombeen Man said...

Dear Sister-in-law, a brown envelope filled with crisp banknotes is on its way. I look forward to your continued discretion.

Anonymous said...

On this topic, your readers might enjoy this relevant clip from the start of the film "idiocracy"
(the film as a whole isn't great but the intro is funny!!)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r-mJbMm8854&feature=related

The topic of population restraint is the elephant in the green room IMHO. You need a degree to sweep the streets these days but you don't need any qualification at all to bring poor unfortunate kids into a life of poverty and wage slavery. Or equally bad, a life of being ignored and comfort consumption. Bring in an exam which you need to pass before you are allowed to reproduce. There would be a high failure rate here I think!!

The Gombeen Man said...

I couldn't agree more, Anon. Thanks for that link - very good!