Friday, 3 February 2012

Crappy broadband, conspiracy theories, and Danagal

The last post dealt with conspiracy theories on how our beloved blog might be funded by MI5, or similar.  And goodness knows, I wish it was - I could do with the money.

Now it's time for my own theory.

Forces unknown, aided and abetted by persons unknown, are conspiring to keep Gombeen Nation silent.

A brief dalliance with Smart came to an end the day before yesterday when promised improved speeds - due to "uncontested" something or other according to a sales agent -  never materialised. 

The problem, it seems, is my telephone line consists of a bit of string joined to two tin cans.  One can is under the ground at my house and the other is at the "local" exchange some 5-and-a-bit kilometres away.   It's something to do with the Irish "smart" economy, I think, as I smart every time I try to log on.

The estate agent who sold me the house was obviously not just an estate agent, but a Government agent with strong links to Eamon O'Cuiv and the Gaeliban! Note how the word "agent" keeps cropping up. See?

This devious mistress of dirty tricks hoped that the blog would be silenced forever when I moved house, as she knew about the the string phone line.  She even arranged for the house to be bumped up the order on My Home when she knew I would be logging on.  She was given this information by an agent in Vodafone, the previous provider.

Now, thanks to the latest delay with Smart (that word "smart" again - there was once a spy programme called "Get Smart"... this is too much to be co-incidence!) another good blog post has been missed. Namely, the Polish girl stitched up by the Irish Independent... 

Its hacks  wilfully mistranslated an article in a Polish newspaper in order to get  Danagal politicians frothing from the mouth and Danagalians baying for the blood or the "deportation" of a Polish girl who supposedly dissed Danagal, and was depicted as claiming social welfare dishonestly.  (Something no Irish - nor bless the mark - Danagal person would ever do, of course. The Irish in general -  and Danagalians and Indo hacks in particular -  are fine, honest, upstanding people.)

See how reality and surreality seem to mix quite well in Ireland?  

So now, for me,  it's back to mobile broadband on a six-month contract while I wait for UPC to roll-out.  A source in UPC has informed me that this should happen in the next month or two.  Let's hope he is not a double agent. 

In the meantime, the blog will continue from a hidden attic location via newly-acquired mobile broadband. 

Please keep tuning in.

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John said...

GM, with all the hassle with the telephone, reminds me of old 1960s show "Green Acres",when he had to claim up the telephone pole to make a call, enjoy!

The Gombeen Man said...

Ha ha. Green Acres ain't the place for me...

This O2 wireless seems to be doing the job at the mo'... Got 3meg/second at one point last night - a luxury, relatively speaking.

Dakota said...

GM one of the pleasures of living in a small tribal culture. I bet they could tell you your shoe size, or what your favourite colour is but can they fix you network connection? Eh, no.

All the wads of cash, that were directed revenue way. Vastly inflated Stamp Duty and VAT and what's to show for it? Eh, that would be noting then.

It could all be in your imagination GM, maybe you're not wishing hard enough?

The Gombeen Man said...

I wish it was, D. I have to laugh when I hear our gombeen leaders going on about the smart economy, and Ireland being the Silicon Valley of Europe, and me with a Green Acres phone line. The Gobshites.