Thursday, 5 March 2009

Ryanair to charge for emergency chutes shock!



After Michael O’Leary’s recent declaration of his intention to charge customers to use the toilet on board his no-frills aircraft – a declaration accepted as fact in po-faced (sorry) media reports – comes the revelation that Ryanair punters will now have to pay for oxygen masks and use of the emergency chutes (click on pic left).



In an exclusive interview with Gombeen Nation*, Mullingar mogul Michael O'Leary said he thought the idea of charging for oxygen masks, lifejackets and access to emergency chutes was reasonable in today's economic climate, and was not in breach of health and safety regulations.

“For fuck’s sake”, he said, “I’m providing cheap flights for these ungrateful, unwashed fuckers… if they want ‘free’ oxygen masks they can go and pay twice or three times the price with Aer Lingus, and put up with all the ‘Dia Duit, Failte on board’ shamrock shenanigans shite as well.

“Surely, in the unlikely event of possible asphixiation (very unlikely, as our ‘planes are perfectly safe) it is not too much to ask the miserable bastards to put their hands into their tight pockets, and put a €1 coin into the overhead fucking slot?”

When asked if charging people a planned €25 to use the emergency chutes should a plane ditch or crash-land was unethical, O’Leary was adamant it was not so. “For Christ’s sake, if the plane has to crash-land or ditch in the middle of the fucking Atlantic you’re all fucked anyway, unless you have that American guy who landed in the Hudson River behind the controls – but that was unusual. Anyway, he'd probably be looking for too much money.”

Becoming increasingly animated, he went on “look, if you are talking about saving your miserable fucking life would you really object to paying 25 fucking Euro? You wouldn't buy a fucking third-hand parachute for that, never mind an emergency chute. Anyway, it’s not that much really, especially when you consider I’m going to have to buy a new fucking plane in such a circumstance. Have you any idea how much they cost? Have you? A lot more than 25 fucking Euro, you fucking muppet. Or is that Sterling?”

“We make no bones about being a low-fares airline, but we provide a value product in an increasingly challenging environment for the aviation industry”, he concluded, "they can like it or lump it, the cheapskate fuckers."



*not true.

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7 comments:

Das.Ding said...

The thing that worries me though, he might actiually consider this....

The Gombeen Man said...

You know, you're right. Maybe it's not wise to give him ideas!!

Bernd said...

But ... O'Leary today made my day, when he said that John Gormley doesn't know a lot about transport. Adding, as an afterthought, that Gormless doesn't know a lot about anything ...

The Gombeen Man said...

Yes Bernd, he can actually be quite amusing at times, I must say. And as you've observed before - he knows how to play the media and keep in the spotlight.

Did you hear that Gormless and co have floated the idea of a tax on texting?? According to this morning's Moaning Ireland. There's the Irish solution to everything... slap a tax on it!!!

Bernd said...

Yeah, the txt-tax ... great idea and about as rational as VAT, VRT and other taxes that have no reason except to make money for nothing. On the other hand I'd be OK with the txt-tax, me texting about 30 "msgs" per annum ... take my 30 cent, lads!

Ella said...

LOL here, just heard O'Leary on the radio earlier today gobbing on about charging a quid to spend a penny. It's so obvious that it's a publicity stunt, O'Leary would not want us to stop purchasing his overpriced beverages would he?

The Gombeen Man said...

I wouldn't put it past the bastard to put laxatives into them, Ella!!