Sunday, 31 October 2010

Halloween - the perfect night for the pub

I know it's a bit lazy but, given the day that's in it, here's a repost of something that appeared in Gombeen Nation two years back. Oh, and for any of you with little darlings - don't take it too seriously. 

I'm sure yours are impeccably behaved, anyway! ;-)

Don’t get me wrong - I’ve nothing against children. No, really! I mean, I wouldn't actually harm them, anyway. Not even the Celtic Bratz that knocked on the front door last year, and greeted my generous offering of assorted sweeties – bought expressly for the occasion – with a belligerent “is that all you’ve got?”.

I needn’t tell you, I only curbed my instinct to snatch back said offerings – while delivering a kick up the gits' podgy little arses – due to mummy’s threatening, po-faced, arms-folded, presence at the garden gate.

Mind you, kids are a blank canvas, aren’t they? If they’re ungrateful, spoilt little bastards – similar to that Viz character in the sailor hat – you can only blame it on their parents. After all, if their folks are stupid enough to believe their genes are worthy of perpetuation, they’ll be stupid enough to bring up their kids with all their own attendant character flaws.

Gombeen Man often ponders the near-extinction of the good, old-fashioned, decent Dubliner – and the displacement of that archetype by the modern Dublin skanger. Gombeen Man’s folks were Dubliners, of course, as were theirs and theirs (as far as he can go back, actually), and they were thoroughly decent people – shitty and all as their lives were. There are a few of that mould still around, but Christ, they are few and far between.

So what better time of the year to celebrate the ascendancy of the Dublin skanger than Halloween? It’s a time of lard-arsed little shits banging on your door, demanding sweets/money/a-standing-order-to-their-bank-accounts with menaces. It’s a time when no cat that values its arse can wander out, for fear of a tracksuit-clad scumbag sticking a banger up said orifice. It’s a time when the whole of the Dublin 15 skyline resembles the Baghdad heavens at the height of its forced “liberation”.

And do you know what else? It’s a time to get the hell out of the house and down to the pub, leaving those vile little bastards to knock on your front door – preferably in sub zero temperatures - in vain. Just in case though, take your car out of the driveway so they can’t slash its tyres.  Oh, and keep your cat indoors.

Happy Halloween!


Dakota said...

GM you're on the money. At that level there is only two tyes, the Skanger/Chav and the spoiled Brat (Mummy and Daddy lets me do whatever the hell I like. Or the slight variation, the world owes me and I'm going to use my kids to get up your nose, just for spite, type).
What the hell happened to this excuse of a city? Even the kids are way more aggressive and loud then they were. Was it the explosion of cheap money, (shopping trips to Paris for eight year olds, (see below) 50 foot Limousines, helicopters, all for First Communions) the media or mummy and Daddy not being there for them? Or was it, as you mentioned GM, just a contiunation of flawed characteristics from generation to generation? The celtic tiger has a lot to answer for....

Ponyboy said...

Nice post GM and great link Dakota. I often wonder where the decent people have gone to as well and am sadly aware of what parents are capable of creating through misguided parenting in this age of plenty. As a parent it always made sense to me to treat my children as equals and steer them as far away from the notion that they were the centre of the universe around whom everybody else circled at their beck and call. There was other stuff too of course that went into the blend, including finding non catholic schools for them in the Dublin of the 80's. Ours wasn't some sickly sweet Little House on the Prairie household but we all had a lot of fun and the nice thing now is to see their children with that same sense of normality - a kind of old fashioned politeness that includes the use of endangered expressions like "Thank you" and "I'll clear the table". Sorry to bang on so but I see a generation of Spoilt Bastards (I love Viz) whose parents shelled out for whatever was demanded and never thought to educate their offspring as to where they were on the hierarchial ladder. Jesus I'd better stop - i really do feel strongly about this though. I see a generation of them out there. As to the Halloween farce - I locked the main gates myself at tea time and the dogs were unleashed twenty minutes later (unfed). i must get out and see what I can find on the driveway by way of gnawed junior fib and tibs and shredded ghoulish costumes. HA HA Happy Halloween and do a google on "APOD" for a nice astronomy shot of a celestial witch (Halloween and the Ghost Head Nebula)

Ella said...

Hi GM, I echo PB's sentiments about your post.

Agreed too, great link from Dakota. The pampered tiger cubs and their parents were and still are suffering from the the l'oreal effect, "because I'm worth it" syndrome.

The Gombeen Man said...

@ Dakota. Yep. Thanks for that link...says it all, really.

@ Ponyboy. Little House on the Prairie, ha ha. Never had you down as a Mr Ingles!!! Great nebula pic, by the way.

@ Ella. Sure the whole country was l'orealed out there for a while. At least so they thought...

Anonymous said...

yesyes GM what an a amazing ,facinating unique,rational open minded brilliant, little nation such a sucess story-BH

Anonymous said...

One for the next entry ?

The Gombeen Man said...

Thanks for that Max.

I suppose it's no surprise that prices have dropped, but the question is why that particular site?